I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
