she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
