PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
