ugly people sure do ruin things
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize