We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm passing your future prison.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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