it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
