my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Text me some of your sweat
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
