I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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