does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
