I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
