Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
