everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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