I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
