im drinking this country out of the recession.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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