Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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