Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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