Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
