Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
