I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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