i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
