We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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