I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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