you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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