why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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