I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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