she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
