Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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