i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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