I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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