I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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