In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
