capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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