I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
