i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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