dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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