just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
