Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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