Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
