She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
