don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
