Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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