Where is the hickey?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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