I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
