Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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