I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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