Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
