I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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