And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
