who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
