Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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