What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
