waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
