she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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