does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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