at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
