I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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