There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
