Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
