i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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