Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
