the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
3pm strippers are depressing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want to make out with him forever
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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